Knife, Gun, Tome and Longsword: The Tale of Three Overexerted Friends
by AlexArmin36
Summary: A college student filled with arcane knowledge, a thug with a heart of gold, a stoic crusader of the holy Light. Together they plunge themselves into the abyss time after time, sacrificing both mind and body for the Hamlet's well-being. However, they are simply a mass of flesh called human, and flesh requires rest. Unfortunately for them, there are no rest for the wicked.


Towering, monstrous, the worst form of fanatical zealotry made flesh! In this land where madness and terror was ever-present, there was none as more terrifying than a man obsessed with a myth of his own making.

His age does not slow his advances nor weaken his blows. He carries a sledgehammer that also serves as a branding tool for the wicked, or whoever that fits the bill. He wore a simple priest robe stained with blood from immeasurable amount of victims he slew. Around his neck was a simple collar of garlic and some sharp wooden stakes festooned upon his chest. At his hip is a holy bible of the Light, how can the Light still grant a man so perverted even the church excommunicate him is a mystery.

Around him, rot and filth clings like an oily film on the stones of the dungeon. The rancid odour permeates through the corridor of the dungeon, a testament to what the Pig-Folk's view on personal hygiene, or what's left of it. The stones were ancient, even predating the earliest settler. Who could've built this winding labyrinth of rot? Perhaps, it was not made by man.

The Fanatic prowls this ancient warren, eagerly seeking out the infected to cleanse and kill. And through sheer misfortune, he found it.

4 warriors stalked the Warren, scrounging for trinkets and baubles. Gold and gemstones fuel the Hamlet and its people, so an ample supply is necessary. Two men and two women strode through the tunnels, seeking fortune in the darkest corner of the light.

1 was a collector of antiques and trinkets, her eyes sees what others do not. That trait alone is why she was with the three other warriors in this warren of rot. Her pack bristles with loot, a hefty sum left behind by the Ancestor's mistake. For her sin, she was put to the stake.

A crusader follows them at the front, a mighty sword arm anchored by a zealous warrior of light! Clad in steel and holy tabard, this man serves as a beacon of hope for his allies in the darkest of night. However, he was still a man. And man bleeds.

Behind him, a highwayman is frantically reloading his flintlock pistol. Agile and elusive, a fitting trait for a rouge. His dagger is at his side, stained with blood from both men and women alike. His eyes that was sharp like his dagger now dulls with the glaze of fear. His breath kept getting stuck in his throat, his heart beating faster than the drumming of a pig shaman.

Behind the highwayman is a young woman clad in frayed purple dress. Her body is frail and she carries no blade, but her mind is sharper than any steel. That mind is in a jumble of delirium, the smell of the Warren up close and the desperate yell of the Antiquarian pushes her closer and closer to the edge.

"I-I have a plan!" The librarian said as her voice come closer to the verge of hysteria. "Hito! Make sure that big bastard reels!"

"I'm trying!" The Crusader yelled. His arms are sore from parrying the massive sledgehammer from the Fanatic. "This motherfucker is tougher than a fucking Flagellant!"

"Allow me" Alex said, his voice cracking from both fear and pain. He shot the Fanatic at his shoulder, but the shoulder pauldron absorbed most of the impact The Fanatic grunted at the shot, but it serves little to hinder the madman.

"You fucking idiot!" the librarian roared in anger at the former thug. "You messed up the fucking plan!"

"Fuck you!" Alex roared back. "At least I'm doing something woman! Shut up and let real warriors do their fucking job!"

"Incoming!"

Thanks to Hito's warning, Alex manages to dodge the lightning from the Fanatic's hammer. However, the lightning simply struck the librarian instead.

"Patchouli!" Alex yelled, his eyes widened at the sight of the smoking patch of fabric on her dress. "I swear to god if you-"

"Shut up!" Patchouli yelled back, her face another shade of pale from the blow. "I'm not that fragile!"

"Another one!"

Everybody straightened up only to see the hammer flying straight toward Alex. However, he manages to narrowly dodge the blow. He saw an opportunity to strike as the Fanatic always seems to overextend his reach every time he uses his hammer. Like a snake striking from the flower, his dagger made contact with the Fanatic's arm, drawing significant blood from the cut. The Fanatic reeled from the riposte, his sunken eyes glared hatefully at the rogue.

"That's what you get you lunatic!" Alex roared in defiance, his voice strong before dissolving back into a mist of fear.

"Hito! Get that lunatic's attention!"

Hito grunted at her order. Under his armour were multiple bruises rapidly healing from the myriad of tonics the librarian stowed in her satchel. His skin felt hot to the touch and his vision blurs from the smoke coming from the pyre. However, he was easily the strongest in the bunch. "Heretics like you belong on the cross! Come and face your punishment you zealot!"

"Alex! Cut the rope!"

The rogue nodded in reply and swiftly ran toward the burning pyre. The Fanatic was busy striking the crusader with his hammer to notice the highwayman sneaking through the smoke.

The librarian focuses her attention at Hito. It's true that he was the strongest among them, but he also was one of the more injured one. She simply pulls out a tonic from her bag and throws it at the crusader's helmet, letting the liquid slips through his armour and cools his burning skin.

"A warning next time will ya?" Hito said as he parried another strike from the Fanatic.

"You're welcome" Patchouli replied.

Meanwhile, things were not going well for Alex Armin. Sweat stains his undershirt and his breath came out ragged. His sweat wets his scarf just enough to provide little protection from the smoke, his eyes however does not have the luxury. As he walks toward the flame he realises how hot the flame was in actuality. The smoke was even thicker up close.

The worst part is the scream. Alex doesn't even know which one is the Antiquarian's scream or the pig's squealing. Both coalesced together in a choir of madness, an opera of pain and insanity. The flame was too high, too bright. Getting through to cut the rope means risking third degree burn all over the places.

He then remembers that he has a gun, an extra gun that was loaded. "Hold on Reimu!" Alex shouted through the din, hoping that the wriggling mass stopped just long enough for him to aim. "I'm gonna shoot the ropes! Roll out the moment you hit the logs!"

The movement ceased for a while, but Alex knew he has little window of opportunity. He pulls out his other pistol and fired at her, hoping that the ball cuts enough just to let her through. But alas, the balls were immeasurable. Instead of a solid ball of lead, a barrage of tiny pellets pelted her body, cutting so little of her ropes and drawing much of her blood.

Alex reeled back in horror at what just happened. He then observed his pistol to see the marking at the barrel of the gun. In his haste he forgot that his other pistol was loaded with grapeshot, and Reimu pays the price of his folly.

_By the Light, what have I done? _Alex quickly went to work loading his pistol, despite knowing the futility of it. _How can I be so clumsy? I have always been so meticulous with my guns!_

His fingers were trembling too hard to load the pistol. The ball stubbornly refuses to enter the barrel. With a grunt, he pushes the ball down and proceeds to aim at the burning woman. However, he was too slow.

A hammer flew at his rib, cracking a good few bones at his left side. He flew through the air; pain numbs the emotion that runs through his mind. In that blissful moment of pain, his mind was silent.

Thankfully, his fall was cushioned by Patchouli who somehow manages to catch him from knocking his head on the cold stone. Thankfully, she sustained little injury from the human missile. She quickly dumps the entire bottle of tonic down the rogue's throat.

Alex's consciousness came back to him bits by bits. But what he saw first was the beautiful face of the librarian. "Patchouli?"

"Can you walk?"

Alex slowly rises from her lap, his joints screaming in protest of the abuse he suffered. "I can still fight. Let me load my pistol first"

"Won't be much use" Patchouli replied. "Just use your dagger. I gave you enough to heal a workhorse"

The shock struck Alex hard, both the words uttered and the shock from the rapid healing he received. _She knows not, did she? _Alex wondered as he observed her expression. Her expression was stern due to her mind working overtime to fix the mess they were in right now.

However, Alex saw something else in his sight.

_She…She knows! She knows I fucked up the rescue! Did Hito-_

Alex turns around to see Hito standing against the towering Fanatic. The bright beacon of Light, at risk of being extinguished. In front of him, the Fanatic leers evilly over the adventurers.

The suffocating smoke, the chilling cries, the mounting wounds, the impossible odds…all of them pales in comparison to the unsettling smile the Fanatic has. He simply stares at Alex, his grin maddening the rogue even further.

_He-he knows! That's why he was busy fighting Hito! He knew I fucked up! _

Ringing ears, blurred vision. Unsettling, unnerved, unbalanced. Weakened by pain and paranoia, his mind betrays him in this crucial moment.

_Is that-is that the guy I shot before? W-Wait, why are all of them here? Didn't I kill you all before? Why? Why do you plague us so? I'm trying to redeem myself! I have changed! I am fighting for a good cause! I'm not the same killer I was before! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!_

The Fanatic swung his hammer at Hito, this time he broke through his guard. Like Alex, Hito flew through the air and fell right beside him. Patchouli quickly tries to remove the helmet, but her finger was trembling all together.

The suffocating smoke, the chilling cries of the damned, the mounting wound on her body…it was too much. Hot tears streamed through her cheeks as she desperately tries to undo what many would consider a simple latch.

Through her tears she can hear the screaming of the Antiquarian grew dimmer. She does not look for she knows the result already. Hito weakly stopped her from tugging at the helm to simply flip the visor up. Patchouli almost smacked herself at her own stupidity.

_Highest of the class my ass! Can't even open a helmet right!_

Patchouli quickly dumped a bottle of tonic down the crusader's throat. However, her eyes caught the reflection from the bottle itself. She turns her attention toward the Fanatic who was simply watching them from afar.

_Why? This is the perfect moment to strike. We are all in injured and he already has one burning at the stake. One swing from his hammer and all will be gone…_

The Fanatic simply watches her, grinning at her as he carefully caresses the hammer he wields. The smile, it was too relaxed for a fanatic. He looks so happy, as if he was a child on Christmas Eve. Patchouli watches him closely as he morbidly wiped the blood off the hammer with his hand. Patchouli observed the Fanatic's movement.

The Fanatic was covered in wounds, both from Alex's dagger and Hito's longsword. Some of it was bleeding red tears, yet he stood strong as if the wounds do not matter. Patchouli counted the wounds and the estimated blood loss he suffered. As her calculation grew bigger, her fear mounts. Soon, it all came down crashing in one big finale.

_All that wounds, he shouldn't be alive yet here he is! No mortal can sustain that much, unless he's NOT a mortal! He is something worse than a human, stronger too! That's why he smiles! He knew that we have no chance of winning this battle! It was just the same with taking a candy from a baby! We are doomed! WE ARE DOOMED!_

Alex however, saw something else.

_He's…wiping away the blood? Is that what you desire? More blood? Who's? Mine? You want my blood? Is that the only way to redeem myself? _

The highwayman stood up tall, his eyes blazing with fury and madness. The Fanatic saw this and shifted his hammer as if beckoning the warrior to come and face him.

Alex rushes forward, his whole body dedicated to taking down this madman. The hammer falls, but the whistling of empty air is what greets his ear. A dagger buries itself at his side, courtesy of the highwayman's fearlessness.

The Fanatic punched the rogue in the nose, drawing blood from his powerful blow. The blow dazed the highwayman enough for him to swing his hammer around. He marked the highwayman's body with the sign of the sinner, showing the world his true colour.

However, Alex felt something else.

_This is it! This is what you all wanted right?! You wanted my blood?! I'll give you mine! I'll give every last drop of mine for redemption! I shall die here as a martyr, then my sin will be absolved!_

The battle was fierce. Both combatant exchanged blows after blows, their own fanaticism driving each other to the brink. Both grinned wildly at each blow that connect, the ecstasy of combat slowly reaching its peak.

Alex danced around the hammer, his wounds while few were devastating. He soldier through the pain, embracing the meaning in each cut he receives.

A blow came at his head, blurring everything for a few second. But in those seconds of unconsciousness, sweet memory plays through his mind. The sound of Patchouli's laughter, the wrestling match he and Hito have, the hours of training him and his friend received before going into the hamlet…

Hito is wounded, probably inches from death. Patchouli is hysterical and Reimu is unquestionably dead, or so he thought. Whether or not this is true, his zealotry was almost parallel to the Fanatic himself. It was this fanaticism that drives his blade forward.

_Yes! Let the hammer break my bones! Let the blood flow! Let the flame burns my skin! Yes! Yes! I can hear it! The angels call! Closer, closer my redemption comes! GIVE ME MORE!_

"Harder daddy!" Alex shouted wildly, his eyes blazing with madness. "You can see it can you? The sin I commit! the ghost of the one I slew!"

"What the fuck are you doing Alex?!" Patchouli yelled, but her cries fell on deaf ears.

"Forget about her!" Alex roared, swinging his blade wildly at the fanatic. "She's too young to do any real damage and he's a crusader! I deserve the stake more than the one you burn you fucking piece of shit!"

"Alex! We need to retreat!" patchouli shouted again, again her pleas fell on deaf ears.

"I confess! In my heart lies not only the soul of a killer, but also liar and lust! I wanted to bone Patchouli! And that hot daughter the barkeep has!"

"What the fuck?!" Patchouli yelled, her face reddened from stress and shock from what Alex just said.

"He's fucking crazy that's what!" Hito shouted back. "Now focus Patchy, we need a solution!"

Patchouli tries to do that, but Alex's raving was too much.

"By the Light I shall be redeemed!"

"Blood for the blood god! Skull for the Skull throne!"

"Will you fucking SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE HER-"

Her words were cut off by a holy lightning from the Fanatic's hammer. Due to his prior action of simply focusing toward Alex she made no notice to observe how the fight goes on, thus she receives the full damage while Hito rolled away from the carnage.

"No!" Alex roared, swinging his dagger again. "Your quarry is here fiend!"

The Fanatic hopped backward and let loose another lightning bolt, this time hitting Hito square in the helmet. Dazed, Hito simply lay at his position as Patchouli feebly pulls out another tonic.

"DO NOT HARM THE INNOCENT!"

Alex whip out his pistol and fired point-blank into the bastard's gut. The blow was devastating as the Fanatic fell on his back. This short victory lasted brief as the Fanatic manages to rise fast enough to counter Alex's advance.

"Alex! We need to go!" Hito yelled through the pain, stopping to gasp as his skins closes too fast. "We can't win this! We're fucked!"

"Then go without me!"

"No! We need you! We already lost so much in the hamlet and the new recruits are too green!" Patchouli wanted to say more but her wounds took her attention. Fast healing has its downside after all.

"Then you all go!" Alex roared in response. "I will make sure this fucker stays here!"

"We know that won't work!" Patchouli yelled back. "We need to retreat! All of us!"

"He'll chase us all down!" Alex roared in reply. His eyes while never left the Fanatic one can imagine the madness that swirls in his pupil. "IF ONE OF US HAS TO DIE THEN LET IT BE ME!"

"No!" Hito yelled in in anger. "Nobody deserves to die here! There is no shame in retreating!"

"JUST FUCKING RUN ALL OF YOU!" Alex roared in reply as he deftly dodges another blow. "ALL OF YOUR SHAME IS MINE! YOUR PAIN, YOUR SHAME, LET ME SHOULDER IT ALL!"

"He's not listening!" Hito said to Patchouli. "Any ideas?!"

Patchouli flipped through the book she carries, her tear-filled eyes flew through the worn parchment for ideas and stratagem she could use. Suddenly, her eyes widened. She swallowed down her fear and looked at the crusader in his eyes. "Once I got Alex back, I want you to knock him out"

Hito simply nodded and waited patiently as he saw his best friend engaged in a glorified slap-fight with the Fanatic. It looks goofy with how both combatants simply just ended up swinging wildly, but the blood removes all traces of humour from the situation.

"Punish the wicked and spare the innocent! Even the bible says so and you know it! COME! DO WHAT THE LIGHT DEMANDS YOU TO DO!"

Alex dodges another hammer fall, but this is the moment Patchouli was waiting for. She uttered a few arcane words and opened her books. From the pages erupts several octopus tentacles. They wrapped itself around his abdomen. The Fanatic try to shoot another bolt, but Hito tanked the hit.

Before Alex could protest Hito simply slammed his pommel on his head, knocking him out cold. Patchouli uttered a few more arcane words, letting a black aura slowly twirling around her. She quickly picked up Alex and head for the door. Hito at this point simply too wounded to care so he followed suit, cursing his weakness as he hobbled away from the battle.

As the adventurers left the battle stage the Fanatic simply stood where he stands. He wanted to chase them down but his wounds say otherwise. He grunted in annoyance, but in the end he resigned to simply checking on the burning woman.

The woman whimpered under his gaze.


End file.
